Breakups, They’re Not Fun

The other day I was looking through old facebook messages and happened upon a message an ex-boyfriend of mine sent to a friend, who he had never met, in an attempt to prove a point as to why I shouldn’t have broken up with him. Just a few facts, we dated for two months and we worked together. Enjoy:

“Here it is…
When I started writing this, I wrote it for the simple reason that getting my thoughts on paper clears my head. Now I have great desire to send this to ******, but I feel it would serve no purpose and would just unnecessarily upset her, which isn’t something I want to do. It’s unfair that I suffer while she’s off in her little ****** world having a super-fun time. I realize our relationship is over and there’s no point in sending it to her, but I can’t resist sending it to someone. ****** has singled you out as a close friend, so I’ve sent it to you.
Reasons I am mad at ******
1 She broke up with me -(this tends to make anyone sad and eventually angry
2 She broke up with me because she “can’t handle being in a relationship right now” because “she has too much going on” –This is bullshit. She thinks she has a lot going on? She doesn’t. She’s a Sophomore. The workload only increases junior and senior year. I had school, college applications, scholarship applications, two jobs, family, and a gf-******. I, not ******, had a lot going on. By this logic she will never be in another relationship throughout her high school career. But she will. This thought angers me. It makes me think “This reason is simply a front for something else.”
3 She broke up with me because I “will be going off to college and she doesn’t want to have to deal with getting over me at the beginning of Junior year.” –Wtf… I liked ******. I would have continued the relationship simply because I cared more about her than I did about how I would cope in the future. I would rather break it off at the end of summer when we won’t be seeing each other anymore than right now when I have to see her all the time at work. She’s worried about how her Junior year is going to start off? This just seems selfish to me. Selfish. Thanks for making the END of my SENIOR year a real FUCKING blast.
4 She broke up with me the week before we both had Spring Breaks. We had agreed that one big problem was that we didn’t get to spend enough time together. So when the chance was finally almost here… *KABLAM* she decided she no longer wanted to be in a relationship.
5 She broke up with me about 5 weeks before prom. That’s great. I spent the first 4 weeks feeling like sh*t and wasn’t in the best mood to ask someone new. Now I have no prom date. I doubt I will go. Fantastic.
6 She can’t make up her mind about anything, ever. She broke up with me, even though I expressed I didn’t want to. When I continued to express my feelings that she had made a bad decision, she went into “I don’t know what I want” mode and couldn’t make up her mind on whether she wanted to remain with me or not. ****** was off playing in her la la land constantly pushing back the decision that lay in front of her while I sat in the corner shedding tears and falling to pieces. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and I pushed for an answer. She gave it. “The answer’s no.”
7 ****** doesn’t express her feelings. She bottles them up inside and pretends that there isn’t a problem. This patented “****** solution” was applied toward me. ****** loves to pretend there is no problem and that everything is ok. Its like she magically forgot that she broke up with me. She magically forgot that I feel like shit and that I’m sad and angry all the time. She magically doesn’t feel anything. She doesn’t feel guilty (which she should,) she doesn’t feel angry, she doesn’t feel sad. Or at least… not that I can tell. “Showing your emotions doesn’t help,” ****** says. SURE IT DOES!!! It shows that she cares! It shows that this is difficult for her too. Obviously its not.
8 ****** dated me for two months and then broke up with me. Why couldn’t she just have said at the beginning “I can’t handle a relationship right now.” She handled it pretty well in January and February. What dramatically changed in those two months that made her change her mind? Usually it doesn’t take two months to realize when you don’t want to enter a relationship. Its more like two dates, two weeks maybe. Thanks for wasting two months of my time, *******. She led me on, she waited until I got attached, and then decided to flush our relationship down the toilet.
9 I wrote her a crappy poem. I spent a lot of time on it, even though it was terrible. It hurts that she broke up with me a good 3 weeks after I wrote it for her on Valentines day. I wanted it back, for obviously it didn’t mean much. “No, it really does mean a lot,” ****** said. “Bullshit,” I say. If it meant a lot she would have seen past her crappy reasons and not sabotaged a good thing for both of us.
10 She wants to be “friends” because she “still cares about me.” I could go on a big rant about why this is one of the worst possible things you could ever say to an ex, whether it be a boy or girl. Actually, I think I will. When I say “you” I mean a hypothetical girl who just broke up with her bf, not ******. Why do you still want to be friends? You just broke up with me… the reason for that is because you don’t want to be with me anymore. Being friends contradicts that. When a girl says “I still care about you and I still want to be friends,” this says several things to a guy. 1) Perhaps she isn’t over me yet. After all, she “still cares.” This gives false hope. It’s like torture. Being friends with an ex you still care about IS torture. 2) When a girl wants to be friends it could simply mean they feel guilty. They feel bad about breaking up and know they shouldn’t break up so in order to make themselves sleep well at night they throw up this cornball “I want to be friends still” line because they think its less harsh and it will somehow make it less of a blow to the guy. It doesn’t help. They should feel guilty. Saying that you still want to be friends is more of an insult than a comfort. 3) Wanting to be friends can mean that although she’s ending the relationship right now, she can still keep tabs on you and know what you’re up to because you are still “friends.” This means that she is free to search for a new boyfriend at her leisure but always has her “friend” to fallback on if she fails in her search. Obviously this is not the kind of relationship an ex wants to enter. 5) Also, as a “friend,” an ex gf can watch and see if the ex bf attempts to start a new relationship. If it has potential, she can sabotage it because she’s jealous that her ex started a new relationship before she did. . 6) There is always the rare possibility that they do, simply, wish to be your friend. Morgan is a kind, sweet girl, at heart, and I believe she is one of the few that actually would like to be friends. Saying you want to be friends is a bad move. If you really do want to be friends, don’t say it, just do it. Actions are more powerful than words. If you really want to remain friends, try to make it work. It may not work, mind you, for it is quite likely, quite probable that the guy in question isn’t very happy with you at the moment.
In fact, he may just want to get away from you altogether because it simply hurts to be around you. Out of numbers 1-6 on the“Want to be friends” rant, I believe 1,2, and 6 apply to ******. This is the way I feel with ******, kind of. I want to be friends with ******, yet I don’t. I don’t know if I can. I still like ******, yet im sad and hurt and extremely pissed off. Seeing ****** all the time does nothing but re-stir my emotions, especially since she never fails to employ the “****** solution.” I tried to get away, I quit my job, but I failed to find a new one so I am forced to remain at Hobby Lobby. I’ve tried to be pleasant toward ****** and I’ve tried to be “friends.” When I see her, though, I just fill with rage. I’ve tried to still text her but she doesn’t usually respond. On the other hand, it annoys me that she even wants to be friends. Why would she want to be friends? There is no point, by her logic, for I’m still going to be leaving for college in August and whatever “friendship” we have will come to an end. Isn’t that a main reason she broke up with me? Our “relationship” would have had to ended in August because we will no longer be able to hang out? The same principle applies to being friends… ****** makes no sense, whatsoever. I am lost…”

Now, I broke up with him for the mere reason I was no longer interested. We weren’t compatible, that was just it. I couldn’t see myself with him in the future so I broke it off. Breakups are hard, for me I’ve always done the breaking up but it still always ends in tears. There’s something about knowing that that person may choose to completely remove themselves from your life and they’re completely entitled to that. But don’t let that fear influence your decision, yes it’s going to hurt but if you’re not happy then it’s not worth it. Life goes on and they will find the person that will build them up and bring them more joy than you could have and the same will happen for you. So my piece of advice is to not stay with someone because you’re to scared to breakup with them, if you’re not happy then do something about it. I recall seeing a quote stating that out of all the mediocre things in life love shouldn’t be one of them, and I agree. 

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